Photo by limemintcooler
It’s like I used to have some kind of protective barrier around me that absorbed and reflected vibration and now it’s gone. Every sound, every movement, every change of light, even every smell, sends waves of vibration through my body. Sometimes sharp like a dart that missed the target in a friendly pub game and sometimes like a punch to the gut but mostly it’s that sensation you feel when someone scrapes their fingernails across a chalk board. 100% raw nerves. I keep waiting for it to go away. At least turn down the volume on that particular song. I’ve been so good. I deserve it. I’m tired of battling this overwhelming irritability. I worry that this is who I really am, crabby and disagreeable, and that I just never realized it because I was so busy self-medicating.
What can I say? I’m feeling dramatic this morning. Check the calendar….yea, no mystery there. Hormones run amuck.
I wonder if it’s possible to use this over sensitivity to develop some creative talent or perhaps even develop my powers of ESP. I believe I’ve seen books of that sort published by the folks over at Llewellyn. I’d like to think there is an upside to feeling so bad. Well, the upside is that by not sedating myself with high fat processed food I’m going to become healthy.
OK, enough whining. I was thinking perhaps today, the first day of a new month, I’d start exercising again. But you know what? I’m feeling stubborn, and childish, and sorry for myself, and I really don’t see it happening today. But don’t worry about me. I’m sticking with the green smoothie experiment. Until tomorrow, I’ll leave you with the usual.
Yesterday’s 2 quart Green Smoothie Recipe:
207 grams Earthbound Farms Mixed Baby Greens [Organic baby lettuces (red & green romaine, red & green oak leaf, lollo rosa, tango), organic red & green chard, organic mizuna, organic arugula, organic frisée, organic radicchio.]
32 grams Earthbound Farms Raw Organic Spinach.
60 grams Raw Onion
14 grams Raw Garlic
20 grams Fresh Lemon Juice
680 grams Frozen Mango
15 grams Organic Whole Flax Seeds
32 ounces filtered tap water
I had an additional 48+ ounces of water and 3 Rolaids. No other food, beverages, supplements, or medications.
Nutritional Breakdown utilizing Nutridiary:
Calories: 607
Fiber: 23 grams
Fat: 7 grams, 9% of total calories
Carbohydrates: 144 grams, 83% of total calories
Protein: 13 grams, 8% of total calories
Elimination: 1BM,
Menses: Most recent: 6/3/07, Prior: 5/3/07, Prior: 4/5/07, Prior: 03/10/07, Prior: 2/11/07
Exercise for yesterday:
10 minutes neck stretches
Statistics:
Height: 5 foot, 11 inches. (180 centimeters)
Weight loss since March 1 2007: 96.2 pounds (96.2 kilograms)
Weight today: 432 pounds (195.95 kilograms)
Weight yesterday: 432.6 pounds (196.22 kilograms)
Weight March 5th 2007: 515.6 pounds (233.87 kilograms)
Weight March 1st 2007: 528.2 pounds. (239.59 kilograms)
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Fingernails on a chalkboard
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7 comments:
Oh Valerie :) You are awesome at describing those feelings. In my very humble opinion, It is NOT who you are, it is your body repairing the damage done to the nervous system through bad eating, at least that is what I think is happening to me. There are moments that I become SUPER sensitive and I really think that the body has to work hard at cleansing so, call it detox if you will. I have found that Meditation is very important. It is necessary to clear and cleanse your mind too after all, isn't that part of the whole package? :)
Hang in there
Gracie
http://biologyofkundalini.com/index.php
Scroll down the left side to Protocol and then click on Kundalini and Diet
hey valerie! i have experienced that chalkboard feeling with my nerves, and I think it was B-12 deficiency. As soon as i started supplementing it was like my nervous system sighed a huge wave of relief. Just a thought. if you decide to get one, gabriel cousens sells the best one (IMHO) at treeoflife.nu
Whenever I feel irritable I try to practice deep breathing excersizes. It works best in a beautiful natural place. I guess you could call it meditation although I haven't learned any methods of meditation - just exhale the negative and inhale the positive!
Nature walks do WONDERS for my psyche as well!!
Hang in there.
=)
Rachel
I am currently not following a vegan food plan. I believe it is the healthiest way to eat, and I know from my past experiments that I feel much better (my severe joint pain evaporates in a couple of weeks, depression improves, body odor and menstrual difficulties ease)--- but at the moment I'm still caught up in self-medication with SAD foods. So for me, the super-sensitivity is not detox, though that doesn't mean it isn't working that way in someone else's body.
I have this super-sensitivity and hyper-irritability to such a degree that sometimes I despair of being myself. Every noise, especially repetitive ones, every smell, changes in light-- almost everything around me irritates me to the point of explosion. I spend a huge amount of energy keeping myself from yelling at people or just going berserk.
I live in Washington D.C. and often ride a public bus. When I get home from my one-hour bus ride to work, I usually feel like I've had little people sitting on my head, pounding it with tiny hammers.
Sometimes I make a kind of sensory deprivation tank for myself. I shut the blinds, unplug the phone, crank up the air conditioner, and crawl under the covers and pray and nap. It helps take the edge off.
I've read about people, especially children who have sensory integration difficulties, and it sounds similar to what I have. It does get better and worse for me, but I can't correlate it to anything in particular, like my menstrual cycle. It is worse with external stressors, but it is always there to some degree.
Sounds like yours either started or at least increased sharply with your diet change, so maybe it is exactly what you said, that the medicating effect of the food was insulating you from this.
I struggle with the same things you said-- fear that this is "who I am"--- that it's a character issue. But I feel sure, in my better moments, that this is not the correct interpretation. I'm pretty sure it's mostly physiological, so it's no more "who we are" than, say, eczema. :)
Sending you prayers for peace and calm, and a big hug. Unless a hug would get on your nerves, which I totally relate to. :) :)
Veralee said:
"I have this super-sensitivity and hyper-irritability to such a degree that sometimes I despair of being myself. Every noise, especially repetitive ones, every smell, changes in light-- almost everything around me irritates me to the point of explosion. I spend a huge amount of energy keeping myself from yelling at people or just going berserk."
---------------------
Are you my twin?
:-)
Jean
Good morning all,
I hope you are having a good Monday morning start to the week. Thanks everyone for your insights and suggestions.
Veralee,
Like Jean, I could really relate to your description of super-sensitivity. I also feel like I expend a lot of energy keeping myself from yelling or otherwise misbehaving. I know it makes me sound like a wicked old witch but I’m very happy to live on a street with a bunch of old folks instead of a street with little children who naturally make a lot of noise. I also retreat to reduce external stimulus. I find the sound of my Blendtec Blender very disturbing. I wear ear protection when I run it but I still fantasize about building some kind of sound proof box to put it in while it’s running. I agree with you it’s most likely physiological rather then a character flaw.
VW
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